Yesterday (before lunch)

I tried to gain weight this week. Really put the sort of effort in that I should be directing the other way. It started off by me eating my way through the pantry and finishing off EVERY piece of birthday party stuff that was left over from filling the goodie bags and the piniata. I ate packs of crisps, freddos, freddo heads, lollies, lollypops and I am sure there was more. I shudder to think that the party hasn’t even happened yet and I need to shop for food for the day. It then spiraled into an anger filled frenzy and when I couldn’t find anything else I set about making cheese and bacon pancakes - just so I could have something to eat. I mean I COULD have eaten the fresh fruit I have. Or I could have had vegetables or better yet, just drunk water but Nooooooooo. I needed to punish someone and who better than me, because I am there. * sigh *. I don’t understand it. My anger was not towards me. It was for someone else. But I get frustrated and know there is no point getting angry at them so I direct it inward. Luckily for me there was also this intense desire to walk this weekend and walk I did. So when I got on the scales I was shocked to see they registered a “no - change” leaving me at 77kgs. Part of me wishes it had jumped 5kgs to put the fear back in me and the other part is just grateful that it stayed the same. I am a very positive person, naturally, and usually jump out of bed being able to see the sunshine and accepting that I will get where I want (physically, emotionally, financially) but this weekend knocked me for a six and I have to admit that when I got us this morning I wasn’t really sure of anything anymore.

Yesterday (after lunch)

Before I started my blog I had friends I could count on less that one hand. One girl from work - MF and a couple of other Mums I met at the ante-natal classes. And those Mums were all skinny and beautiful and whilst I know that they didn’t keep inviting me around because I made them look good, I always knew that I kept myself a little apart from them. Then the blog started. Along with the increase of confidence in myself as I changed physically I grew mentally as my friendships with people on-line grew. It started with comments left on blogs. A bit of a one way conversation but just what I needed. Then, like in real life, closer bonds formed with a few that really clicked for me. The blog comments started turning into email conversations. Real two way conversations. Soon the blog did not necessarily necessitate the beginning of a chat. An email would just appear, or I would just send one to say Hi and on it went. This has now developed where I am comfortable enough to pick up the phone and ring someone to have a chat and forego the internet altogether. Or not. There is no pressure, there is no obligation, so when we talk, when we meet up - it is real and it is FUN.

So anyway yesterday I received such an email. Out of the blue and a great wake up to me that the world is not just about me and that other people have the same angers, needs, wants, as me and also need a place to vent when the blog seems just a touch too public. I am so grateful that I have friends like this now and know that it has made me become the better person that I am.

So on to Today

Today is completely different. Today I woke up with an expectation of joy and happiness and excitement. Because today is not about me. Today is about my baby Oscar who turned 2 this morning. As I lay in bed snuggling with both Oscar and Darcy whilst Mark got ready I was smiling thinking about how excited the boys would be when we went out the back and they discovered the 30 odd balloons I blew up last night and the table covered in presents. We all raced out the back as my Mum rang to say Happy Birthday. I knew it was only 5.45am in Adelaide so appreciated the gesture. We opened the present from her and Dad whilst she was on the phone. Oscar managed to yell Thanks Oma almost at the same time he was yelling WOW as he ripped the paper off to reveal “Charlie the Talking Grill”. How hilarious. It is a small BBQ that has eyes and a mouth and talks as you press down the sausage or the burger and when you take the Ketchup or Mustard out of their holders, they speak to you. He LOVES it. I am so happy for Mum that she got to share that with us. I love my speaker phones - it makes sharing this stuff so much easier.. Then it was back to the ripping of paper and as the Wiggles books and plate set were revealed we got more WOW’s and the smiles just kept on going.

I feel really lucky today.

And I am going to take that feeling and run with it.

Original post by M